Thursday, March 29, 2007

Approx 2-1/2 months post partum

I am so depressed right now.

Armondo is home right now, and he's a pretty honest guy. He told me that the pants I was wearing looked like a deflated balloon on my butt. I think he was trying to compliment me, by saying it looked like I had lost weight, and I was happy he told me so I knew it looked bad, but it also meant that the ONLY pair of pants that (I thought) fit me, no longer did. They were a pair of preggo jeans. None of my pre-pregnancy pants fit me. One skirt does.

So, today, I set out to find some pants. We went to Value Village first, in hopes to find something cheap, 'cause I'm trying not to spend too much money these days. I had no idea where to start for finding my size, 'cause I really had no clue. So, fifteen pairs of pants later, I walked out empty handed. Nothing fit nicely except one pair of cargo pants that made my legs look huge due to the large pockets on each side.

So, this evening I went to shop at a real store and I did end up finding a pair of pants that fit. They don't look great, but at least I now have one pair of pants and a skirt to wear.

I wore the skirt all day today, and now my thighs are all chaffed. It's disgusting, and it hurts. I hate the fact that my thighs rub together. Everything about me is disgusting! I mean, yes, I've lost some weight, and I"m losing it at a good rate, but the numbers don't mean anything (the current number is 160, btw). It's the way that my skin "hangs" now, and how it wrinkles up and looks like raw pizza dough when I do up my pants, and the fact that my back is so fat that I now have a non-existent butt. I mean, yes, I have a butt, and it's a big butt, but my back is so fat, that it's a straight line down to my butt. Most of my curves are gone now too. Except my boobs. They're still there, and large, and lop-sided, and only fit my bras for a few hours here and there during the day. (when they're empty of milk).

ok, that's all.

No comments: