Monday, October 8, 2007


I have not lost any weight in a really long time.. in fact, I've gained weight.

So, starting today, I'm practically starving myself. Well, starting today after starting a few weeks ago and then going on a road trip with a pile of tasty snacks sitting practically in my lap, and combining that with several trips to drive thrus.

I HAVE to get serious about losing weight. I am way beyond my healthy BMI right now, and that is driving me nuts!

Wednesday, April 4, 2007


So, maybe I was retaining water or something. I feel so stupid for being so upset over feeling fat and crappy when I was shopping for pants. I can actually fit some of my "fat" pre-pregnant pants now, and the pants that I bought ended up being too big. So, I returned the pants I bought (I can't believe they took them back!) and I am now rotating between two pairs of old pants. One pair is nice, but black, which is an animal hair magnet, and the other pair is a crappy, stained pair of jeans. So, I still need to go buy another pair or two of jeans, but I don't want to right away, just in case I lose weight again soon. I'm pretty excited that there's hope that I might get closer to my "normal".

Sunday, April 1, 2007


I musta just been extra bloated the other day, 'cause today, I'm five pounds lighter. Which means I'm 155. Which is only five pounds heavier than my heaviest ever pre-preggo weight.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Approx 2-1/2 months post partum

I am so depressed right now.

Armondo is home right now, and he's a pretty honest guy. He told me that the pants I was wearing looked like a deflated balloon on my butt. I think he was trying to compliment me, by saying it looked like I had lost weight, and I was happy he told me so I knew it looked bad, but it also meant that the ONLY pair of pants that (I thought) fit me, no longer did. They were a pair of preggo jeans. None of my pre-pregnancy pants fit me. One skirt does.

So, today, I set out to find some pants. We went to Value Village first, in hopes to find something cheap, 'cause I'm trying not to spend too much money these days. I had no idea where to start for finding my size, 'cause I really had no clue. So, fifteen pairs of pants later, I walked out empty handed. Nothing fit nicely except one pair of cargo pants that made my legs look huge due to the large pockets on each side.

So, this evening I went to shop at a real store and I did end up finding a pair of pants that fit. They don't look great, but at least I now have one pair of pants and a skirt to wear.

I wore the skirt all day today, and now my thighs are all chaffed. It's disgusting, and it hurts. I hate the fact that my thighs rub together. Everything about me is disgusting! I mean, yes, I've lost some weight, and I"m losing it at a good rate, but the numbers don't mean anything (the current number is 160, btw). It's the way that my skin "hangs" now, and how it wrinkles up and looks like raw pizza dough when I do up my pants, and the fact that my back is so fat that I now have a non-existent butt. I mean, yes, I have a butt, and it's a big butt, but my back is so fat, that it's a straight line down to my butt. Most of my curves are gone now too. Except my boobs. They're still there, and large, and lop-sided, and only fit my bras for a few hours here and there during the day. (when they're empty of milk).

ok, that's all.

Friday, February 16, 2007

One month, two days P.P.

165 lbs! The weight is dropping rapidly. I still cannot really take any credit for this, as I'm not being very active, but I AM watching what I eat. Sort of. (I'm still sore though... and too busy to do exersize!)

Other things I'm doing to make myself feel better: starting using white strips on my teeth last night. I can already see a difference! I got the 14 day variety 'cause it was significantly cheaper than the easier 3 day pack or whatever. It's hard to remember to do it twice a day though! Also, I bought a couple of new shirts that fit my now size. I didn't go crazy buying stuff, 'cause I don't plan on being this size forever, but I wanted a couple of shirts that look good NOW, and that aren't just t-shirts. So, yeah, I'll be wearing the same two shirts over and over for the next couple of months, I'm sure! Did I mention I got a hair cut? It's not fabulous, but it looks ok. Now if I could only find time to pluck my eyebrows!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Three weeks, three days post partum

Hanging in at 170. I don't expect great results fast though, esp when I'm not exercising and I've been eating so much cake lately!

Not feeling so hot about myself these days in general though. My belly is looking pretty nasty, and my face seems so masculine to me these days. It always sort of has looked that way to me, but these past few days it's been esp. bothering me.

Had some s3x last night for the first time since having the baby. It worked out ok, but made me really sore right afterwards, and it has carried over to today. I'll probably hold off for a bit longer before trying that again.